She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
