Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
