I seem to have left my pride at pride
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
