Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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