Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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