dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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