I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
pray to the hookup gods
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
