Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There are leaves in my underwear?
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