Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
