Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
