Buhtt sex?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
