i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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