There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
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i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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