brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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