They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
