I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
