Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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