I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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