careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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