it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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