Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
