It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I forgot how hot balto sounded
people are starting to question the shark bite story
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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