My room smells like vodka and shame
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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