I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it's great music for shaving your balls
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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