I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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