Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
