Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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