Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
