I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
