I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
