I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
