dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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