His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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