Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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