I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
