I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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