cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
