porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
