census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize