Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
