I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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