I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
