you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This is not my ceiling
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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