At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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