I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
