So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
