I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
