other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
