i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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