the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
