Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
