I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
