We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
