covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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