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I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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