I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
