He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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