So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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