You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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