So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
