Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
