angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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