just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
