I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
