my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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