Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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