So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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