Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
