If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize