that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
