Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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