Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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