He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
