i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
