they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
