i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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