ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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