I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think people are normalizing furries
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
