Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
